Just Gonna Stand There & Watch Me Burn

But that's alright because I love the way it hurts....
~Eminem & Rihanna, "Love the Way You Lie"

I want your ugly. I want your disease. I want your everything as long as it's free. I want your love. ~ Lady Gaga, "Bad Romance"

This week MTV's VMAs provided the spotlight for how popular culture and music are tackling some of the same issues covered in this week's reading. Fatal Attraction and Codependency can be seen in both Eminem & Rihanna's song "Love the Way it Hurts" and Lady Gaga's tune "Bad Romance," which took home 8 VMAs.

Love the Way You Lie - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U&ob=av2e
Bad Romance - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrO4YZeyl0I&ob=av2e

The video for "Love the Way You Lie" has sparked a great deal of controversy regarding its treatment of domestic violence, abuse, and codependency. The video opens with Rihanna singing the lyrics:
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie

Eminem's lyrics include:
High off her love, drunk from my hate,
It's like I'm huffin' paint
And I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me, she f'in hates me

Now I know we said things, did things, that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded

To me, this connects with LePoire, Hallett, and Giles' paradoxes of codependency in relation to Inconsistent Nurturing as Control Theory. The first paradox makes two assumptions:
1.) Functional partners are dependent on, and desire maintenance of relationship with afflicted
2.) Functional partners are obsessed with controlling the afflicteds' behavior
These assumptions lead to the paradox that functionals actually destroy the relationship if they are successful at extinguishing undesirable behavior. The second paradox notes that the afflicteds are ultimately in control of the relationship because it is there behavior that precedes and causes the controlling behavior of the functional partner.

Both Eminem and especially Rihanna have taken heat for the content of the song & the video. Critics say that it supports domestic violence and codependency and that it sends a bad message to these artists' fans who are typically younger men and women. The criticism is that Eminem and Rihanna are saying that these behaviors are ok in a relationship and that domestic violence is being glorified. If we view this popular culture text through the lens of Le Poire et al's Codependency chapter, I would make the argument that this song and it's video are demonstrating these paradoxes, which could and have made people uncomfortable with the content. The video shows a mix of punishing and reward behaviors as Megan Fox and Dominic Monaghan fight, make up, threaten to leave, fight, and once again make up.

Lady Gaga's song "Bad Romance" also alludes to elements of codependency, but also highlight's Felmlee's idea of Fatal Attraction. Her lyrics invoke both pleasing and disenchanting attributes in a partner. She wants drama but at the same time the touch of their hand, their kiss, and ultimately love. She wants both love and revenge simultaneously. " I want your loving. I want your revenge. You and me could write a bad romance." The video ends with Gaga setting the bed on fire and subsequently burning her partner while she lays on one side of the blackened bed emerging from the bad romance relatively unscathed. I wonder if we enter into many of these fatal attraction scenerios even when the writing is on the wall? You know it might end badly, but you still find yourself in the relationship.

What I am left to ponder is: Did these examples of pop culture get it right? Is it sending an appropriate message to its audiences? What is the responsibility of pop culture in terms of presenting these issues/paradoxes that highlights the functionality of the dark side?