Seeing Through the Shadows

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
~ Nelson Mandela (1994 Inaugural Speech)

I think this quote is a wonderful way to sum up my return trip to the dark side. I will walk away from these readings, concepts, and theories seeing the world in a whole new light - yeah bad pun intended. I will continue to question what is good and bad, light and dark, and of course all things functionally ambivalent. My new favorite term!

The critic in me has been drawn to dark side areas that address toxic cultural scripts. To me I see those areas as bullying, sexual coercion, ORI/stalking, unrequited love, and to an extent fatal attractions. I am fascinated by any and all things that can be grounded in the social construction of reality. How is it that we come to believe that women are asking to be raped? Or that bullying is just part of a functional school culture? Why is it difficult to be the one who turns down the would be suitor? What do you do when a former romantic partner invades your space? To me these questions all speak to a bigger cultural problem of limiting gender and giving strict, unrealistic expectations that define what it means to be a man or a woman, masculine or feminine. Some research is beginning to show that these constructs are gendered phenomenon, but we have to continue to push past definitions that reinforce binaries and start to explore ways that we can open up these dark processes to multiple performances and interpretations. Until then we will not be able to truly shine a light in the dark.

To connect it to the personal, I would say that I responded with the ORI/stalking readings the most as a citizen. When I reread Spitzberg & Cupach's work not only for my class presentation, but for my paper as well, I really connected to their definition of ORI as an unwanted pattern of physical and symbolic invasion of privacy that occurs over time. When I began to apply this phenomenon to my own life, I started to understand how and why this was and is a communicative issue. I really truly understood what it means to say that something is communicative because it is an interactional process where no one person can be blamed or considered at fault. Up until that point I still secretly believed that in some cases you could still find blame/fault. The person who commits the act of date rape is at fault. The crazy stalker that just won't take no for an answer is to blame. But that all shifted when I considered my role in the process of ORI. At one point in time I used every single one of the 5 coping responses that Spitzberg & Cupach have outlined. Some of these responses like moving in sent messages that he should keep pursuing the relationship in such an obsessive manner because it was getting results. Then I would use more aggressive strategies like moving against, or moving with a third party. All part of a vicious cycle of pulling away and being drawn back in. I suppose that even now this cycle continues. Not has frequent as it was 10-years ago, but it is still an ongoing, collaborative interaction. While I am upset by what happened to me & the experience of post-relational dissolution, I can now see that I played a role in this process, this interaction that was collaborative communication.

As for the blogging process, I think it was a great experience both in the classroom and for my own personal growth as a writer. I seldom sit down and write for fun or just write out what I think about something. Most of my writing is masked in lit reviews, research proposals, or studies where I put my scholarly voice on. I liked being able to really mix pop culture in with a communication theory and not have to worry about making a scholarly case. I think that it was helpful to post questions from the blog and pull people into the discussion that way. It was great when you would post a clip and people would actually watch it before class! At times I will admit that I was a little stressed out by meeting the Wednesday noon deadline, but stress isn't always a dark thing:-) I can certainly attest to the positive benefits of stress...sometimes. I can think of a couple of positives that helped to facilitate my learning. First, I was put on a deadline to not only complete the readings, but really take a moment to think about my response to the content. It was nice to come to class prepared with some talking points that were connected to reading and the concepts. Second, being able to read every one's blog prior to class helped me gain a sense of where the conversation might go. It was great to be able to put some energy into prepping for the class discussion instead of figuring it out as class progresses. I think it lead to some of the most insightful and focused discussions that I've experienced. I can truly say that I am beginning to see through the shadows. Cheers!